I had a dream last night that I went to a dice store and bought a bunch of assorted dice. I wonder what that means. I probably have a gambling problem or something. I'm just kidding, although if I were rich, I'd gamble a lot more. Throwing around money is fun. I just can't imagine doing it with any frequency. Yeah, being Mr moneybags isn't overrated, I'm sure. You could really make some people's days. Imagine eating at Chili's or something and leaving a couple hundred dollars as a tip. The waiter would be so stoked. He'd prolly go out with his buddies and buy a couple of rounds. That would be an awesome night. Although, he'd wake up in the morning and regret it because he could have prolly paid some bills with it instead.

Buffer Badge

If basic training taught me anything, it was to respect the custodial arts. The maintenance guys are stripping and relaxing the lobby in my office building. I bet that I am the only person in my office that has ever done this to a floor. Right now, they see a dusty, listless floor and are probably a little bit turned off by it. I see a new beginning. Soon, the shine will return and the hard work that went into it will go unnoticed. I noticed, though. I appreciate the work that went into returning the shine to that surface. I earned my buffer badge in the army. I am proud of it. I hope our maintenance guys are proud of the work they are doing in our lobby.

TWO POOSTS!

Oh no! I a two poost day. In reality, the this should be my third poost but I think can't type on my phone in the middle of the night very well. I think Mitt Romney poisoned me because I voted for Obama. I haven't been on the toilet this many times in quite a while. The reality behind my political content today is to highlight the absurdity of the system we pretend to be a part of. I truly believe that voting in national elections doesn't matter. In fact, I the only reason I voted today was so Todd Akin doesn't get elected. What a dumb ass.

The Lizard King

I really hope Romney wins tonight and during his victory speech, removes his mask to reveal his true lizard form. That would make this the most epic election of all time. I got a new phone and downloaded the SwiftKey keyboard. This is the best keyboard for predictive text I've ever seen. I barely have to type any letters. I it pretty much knows what I am going to type before I type it. Lizard people control the government. The only problem is that I don't want to spend money on chiefs apparel. I just used the default words that SwiftKey suggested I use in that last sentence.

Salad

Is it even remotely possible to eat healthy while dining out? I mean, and still enjoy what you are eating. Sure you could have a dry salad and water, but is that worth going out for? I don't think so. I wonder if there are any lunch spots within 5 miles of my office that have a single item that could be considered healthy and "Low calorie". Maybe that ingredient place. I bet even grilled chicken salads at places are still at least 700 calories without dressing. Whatever. I think that if you decide to eat out, you have to give up your healthy eating, or at least any calorie restrictions you may have put on yourself. I hate when the automatic air freshener goes off while I'm in the bathroom. I don't want to smell that shit. Of course, the next dude doesn't want to smell my shit either. I wonder if that thing is on a timer or if there is a high tech poop parts per million (pppm) analyzer that determines when to spray it.

Bathroom Renovations

Gonna start poosting again. Might as well. The bathroom renovations at work seem to have been done on the cheap. Lots of finishing work left undone. The plate surrounding the outlet next to the sink doesn't cover the hole in the wall. The drain in the floor isn't well centered in the tile cut. They wrote measurements on top of the toilet paper holder in marker and it still shows after installation. The touchless paper towel dispenser doesn't dispense enough paper towels. The water temp on the automatic faucets are just slightly on the cold side. Also, despite automatic everything else, you still have to open the door with your hands. Ceiling paint is uneven. I do like the new signs they put up yesterday but they scuffed the door when they took down the old signs so now the door looks Shitty despite the cool new signs.

Bread

I feel like I could be making my own bread pretty easily. That is just a hunch as I have no idea how to make bread. By no idea, I mean that I've never seen it done. I think the process involves yeast, rising, kneading and more rising before baking. There is probably a lot of waiting around to do. Maybe I'll make some this weekend. I've got nothing better to do since Jen is working all weekend again. That shit has to go. When she works, it feels like I didn't have a weekend at all. It's like being grounded as a kid. I'm not allowed to play with my best friend all weekend make end up spending all my time inside at home. So I guess I have plenty of time to wait around for bread to rise. I want some of that good crusty bread though, not just a loaf of sandwich bread. I guess I'll Google it and get the ingredients while grocery shopping on Saturday and I'll bake some fucking bread on Sunday.

Is it opening day yet?

How am I going to get opening day tickets this year? I've lucked into them a few years in a row now. I'm used to paying face or less for my tickets but I think that when it comes down to it, I'll pay more to ensure I get to go. I'm not gonna get as drunk as I was last year though. I don't know how it happened, but opening day got away from me last year. I think it was the cold weather mixed with shotgunning beers. There should be a shotgun limit. One per tailgate. I remember 3 opening days ago, Jen was so pregnant we didn't tailgate at all. The parking lot was full when we got there and had to just walk straight in. Sat under the overhang that year and froze because we were in the shade.

Flutie Flakes

Had to go to the dentist today. Gotta get a crown in Wednesday. I cannot believe that the patriots had Tom Brady punt on third down. I think they are trying to turn him into a for like Doug Flutie. How much longer until Brady is in to attempt a drop kick extra point? Sure, Brady may be one of the best QBs of all time, but he's no Flutie. Call me when you have your own cereal that funds a charity. Your Super Bowls and MVPs do not impress me. Even haters can't hate on Flutie. That's how air tight his game is.

Square dance with me

I perceive a blind spot when entering this stall. I always look behind the door at the blind spot before stepping completely into the stall for fear of a gay rapist attack. Maybe I am flattering myself. What are the chances that a gay rapist is waiting for me in the bathroom at work? Probably 0%. You can't be too careful though, right? I am going country music dancing tonight. I should probably get Jen to drive so I can properly lubricate my dancing abilities. That just makes sense. I'll take the lesson and do a few two steps or whatever. Boot scoot and dosie doe. In fifth grade we had to learn to square dance in pe. Talk about the worst pe lesson ever. I'd rather do the sit and reach all day than that crap. The sit and reach was always the reason I didn't get the presidential pe award. All the way through high school. I bet no president could ever pass the sit and reach. Maybe Kennedy and Obama. That's it though.

It's too late for this shit.

Seriously. I want to go to bed. I'm not thinking anything because my brain is already asleep. It's finally snowing. Should take forever to get to work tomorrow. It waited til it got really cold before it started snowing too. That way, the road treatment would be ineffective. I should have some coffee on the way to work tomorrow. At least the nice people at the school district will wake me up early tomorrow to tell me school has been cancelled. I swear, they cancel school for any amount of snow. The weather channel only said there was a 30% chance of snow but its been going for at least an hour solid. Good night.

Skip a day

And there will be hell to pay. Second time on the toilet today. Gonna play some yin with jes in a bit. That mofo better not kibbitz me. I'll call his grandma. Gin is fun. Maybe, if k and m, come over this weekend, we can play spades. Id really like to play that. I hope Jen is able to bid her hand. I also can't wait for Mario party nine to come out in march. Get some new boards and new mini games. I bet they fix the glitch where all ties are wine by the first player.

Surgery?

Man, I am out of shape. I went running last night and was completely gassed after just two miles. The good news is its only my cardio that is lacking. My legs are fine this morning. I really need to get to the doctor and talk to them about sinus surgery. I really think my life would be much better if I could breathe easily all the time. I know I'd be better at running. I'll call today and make an appt the same day I've got my dentist appt. That way I can just take a couple of sick hours and get the wheels in motion for this surgery. Making decisions pb the toilet is the best. Now that I've written it down, I can hold myself accountable as well. Of course, if anyone actually reads this, they could ask me about it to and maybe that would keep me on track. Doubt anyone does read though.

Sunday morning

I fell asleep watching Charles barkley on SNL last night. He's way funnier when he's just being himself. I still love him though. I can't even remember what drew me to pick him as my favorites player when I was younger. My dad got me a limited edition Charles Barkley MVP pin after the 92-93 season. That was cool. I really wished the Suns could have pulled it off over the Bulls that year. They were so talented.

It's too early.

Why am I awake? Silly baby woke me up, that's why. My stomach hurts. This phone is way too bright. I have to go grocery shopping by myself today. Gotta season my smoker. With the way today has started, I won't be surprised to see multiple poosts.  This Blogger app isn't so bad. I like the way the cursor moves based on where you have scrolled to on the page.

Petitions

So, in order to run as an independent candidate, I have to get 4502 signatures from registered voters in the 4th congressional district by July. That's 2% of the total voters in the 2010 election. I'm wondering what the best way to go about this is. I could post up outside of walmarts and ask for signatures. Or I could go door. Maybe I'll have to search out volunteers to help me get signatures throughout the district. Better start solidifying my message and getting the website up so the volunteers know who they are backing. When I realized there would be petitioning involved, I thought about not running but 4502 isn't a bad number. I also have to remember that I don't have to do this alone. I just need people wo agree with my vision to help me out. At least I'm not asking them for money. Ok. Goals are to put together a mission statement. Get a web template and post basic site. Activate Twitter account. Explore support from both dems and republicans via Facebook. Oh, put Facebook page together. Maybe come up with a petitioning schedule. I think that's enough for now. I'll re-evaluate when I get some of this done.


Post wipe note- Apparently, the State of Missouri tries to keep independent candidates off the ballot by unreasonable random sample requirements. According to RSMo Chapter 115, "If the random sample verification establishes that the number of valid signatures total more than one hundred five percent of the number of qualified voters needed to find the petition sufficient, the petition shall be deemed to qualify in that district." That means that 105% of the randomly sampled signatures must be valid before an independent candidate will be allowed without a full audit of signatures. How does one make it so 105% of signatures are valid? Of course, if your random sample falls below 95%, your petition is outright rejected. Looks like the random sampling is used exclusively to prevent candidates from getting on the ballot.

The Sports Experience

I care less about sports now than I used to. I care a lot less about college sports. In fact, the Chiefs have taken over as my favorite team over the Cornhuskers. I think the move to the Big Ten was a big part of that. I've seen the Chiefs play the Raiders, Broncos, and Chargers more than I've ever seen toe Huskers play Northwestern, Minnesota, or Ohio State. I care more that the Chiefs beat their foes than I do the Big Red. Another part of it has to be that I actually get to go to Chiefs games. I also realized that I like the events surrounding the games more than the games themselves. Or maybe being there really does add to the excitement. I've heard a lot of people claim that the price of an hd tv and directv far outweighs the cost of season tickets as far as an experience goes. I doubt this. I don't think you can recreate the feel of a tailgate at Arrowhead by grilling out in your back yard with friends. Nothing comes close. This is why I question how much I love sports. Is it the game, or the experience?

Dreams, Craig James, and Basketball

I had a dream last night I went to SMU for school and I lives in some really nice dorms. They were more like town homes you had to share with 4 other people. They had a backyard so you could have pets. I kept thinking to myself in the dream that I had to be paying way too much to be living this wag and was trying to convince other people to move out into a house with me. It was strange. I didn't know anyone at all in the dream. I also have never even contemplated attending or even visiting SMU. I guess that ir was on my mind, what, with all of the speculation that CRAIG JAMES may or may not have KILLED 5 HOOKERS while enrolled AT SMU. I can't think of any other reason why I would have a dream set on that campus. I'm also pretty sure the dorms suck there. I'm getting Directv installed today. I'm happy that ill have mlb network again and a bit excited to have NBA tv as well. I think the Thunder are on NBA tv tonight even. Bonus.